last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
