living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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