how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
