I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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