i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
