i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
