I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
