Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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