He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
