Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
