Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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