Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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