I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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