we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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