Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
