i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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