i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
