**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
