Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
