Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
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Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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