After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What a dumb baby whore.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
