arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
