I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
