this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
