apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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