I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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