my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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