That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
