Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
