I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i think i just lost a toe
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
