I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize