By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
