I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
