I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
