xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
