U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
my poor anus
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
