come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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