I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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