I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
