did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
