You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
