Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
