that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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