his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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