He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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