We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
