youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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