I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
