i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
