matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
