no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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