A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
