Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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