ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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