My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
