Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I supernannyed him into submission
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
