I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
