Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
