theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
