Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
