You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
