if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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