I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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