i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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