My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
