she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
