I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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